A November Update

Slide Tackling fr

I’m listening to Japanese Breakfast’s Jubilee and guess what. I’m feeling nostalgic.

Maybe I live a life of perpetual nostalgia. So I’m going to write for the duration of this album. I’ve reached “Be Sweet” thus far.

Someone reminded me that this Substack exists and I felt compelled to write something, anything. I’m a journal fiend and left my crisp, new, soft-gray-colored leuchtturm journal at school. How could I. So now I’m struggling to exist in my childhood bedroom, meeting up with childhood friends during this holiday break, without being able to lean into the dramatic introspection that these conversations are leaving me with.

Now I’m listening to “Kokomo, IN” and I’m being reminded of prom? Or driving in the summer before my first semester of college. This album is not only my favorite album of all time (probably), but it marks the start of my senior year of high school. Which was a whole four years ago.

Jeez, I write about this constantly but I really can’t help reminiscing when I’m bombarded by memories of high school left and right in my childhood bedroom. And I’ve only lived in this house for all of high school, so all my memories here are from age 15 and onwards.

“Slide Tackle” just came on. My personal favorite from the album. But anyways, Jubilee was first introduced to me before senior year even started. During the training retreat for a senior leadership program I was a part of. Weird times but I remember reuniting with some girls I hadn’t talked with for a while. Since before middle school or early early high school. And that day during the weird weird weird retreat where we had to share our literal life traumas to bond as a group… well it was kind of fun. Social distancing restrictions were starting to lift since this was the fall of 2021. Coupled with senior year, I think camaraderie was thick in the air. I’m halfway through “Posing in Bondage” now. I love these cow bells? Whatever is clinking and tinkering in the background.

Now meeting up with all these people that I only really get to see during holiday breaks, our conversations have been so centered around the future. Where are we going to be after graduation? Where do we want to be? What/who do we want to be (cheesy)?

Listening to “Sit” now. This one feels a little sad to me for some reason.

For a long long time, I’ve rejected my life and my identity in the city. I longed so badly for my comfortable life back at my old school. But when I was there, I was also longing for bits and pieces of my life before. When I was living at home. I’m feeling more content with my life now though. Even though I’m being battered by things that I still need to achieve while being an undergraduate student. Time is running out and it’s scary!!! I’m feeling rushed, in life but also right now because “Savage Good Boy” started and all I want to do is dance. But I have to keep writing because this album is mega short.

I’ve reached “In Hell” now. Third to last song!

I think I see a life in New York. Which is something I didn’t expect myself to feel. Ever. I remember looking at apartments on Zillow in Seattle, SF, LA, D.C., and even Boston. I was even looking at options of living and working abroad. That wasn’t very realistic.

Wow that was a short song. The violins of “Tactics” have commenced. I think I’m rambling because I kind of have to pee. I was bad and went to the slightly fancy and overpriced coffee shop in town, two days in a row.

I feel like I’m in a constant push and pull. I’m pushing off writing my senior thesis and seriously thinking about and applying to full time jobs. Yet I’m yearning for winter break and my classes in the spring. And yearning for graduation. I also don’t really want to not be a student anymore. This isn’t an original thought or feeling at all. But I’ve reached the last song of this album so I have to wrap it up soon…

I’m excited for Peter’s guitar solo. Maybe I’ll have an epiphany during that riff.

What I’m super duper looking forward to is seeing who from my hometown will come back to NJ/NY. I’m excited to have old friends near me again. Maybe that’s why I’m having an easier time picturing my life in this city that’s given me so much trouble. Colossal challenges. Gargantuan quagmires.

Peter’s solo!!!!!!!!!!

When I get to this part of the album, I always feel better. I feel really good right now. Even though this was all word dumping, and me coping with being apart from my journal, I hope the read was also somewhat enjoyable and relatable and … comforting? I’m so excited for each and every person who is for some reason subscribed to this inconsistent and very miscellaneous Substack. I’m excited to see what everyone’s up to so soon!!! And I really can’t forget about the countless Smithies who will flock to New York. I’m excited for you too.

Jubilee has ended. But this was fun!

I’ll word vomit again soon enough. Listen to Jubilee!!!!!!